he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
