the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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