you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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