dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
