My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize