You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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