I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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