hell yes lets make some ravioli
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
