ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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