i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
