once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
