I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize