Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
