he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
