your parents love me but you hate me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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