The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
