I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
