My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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