Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
