Sry I called you an 8
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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