I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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