my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
