Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
