4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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