There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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