Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
