the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
