UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
