guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
