Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
