I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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