i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
