So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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