Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
