I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
