I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
