tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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