Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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