Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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