if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
