I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
