I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Drunk is a universal language darling
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
