and she was petting her beer can
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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