I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
