Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
