oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
