I wish I could teleport
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
