I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
