It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
