i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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