Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
