quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
