My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
