Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
