Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I love you. Go after that dick
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