Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
