do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
