I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
whose parrot is this?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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