My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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