Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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