A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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