were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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