I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
