Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
