You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
