i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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