my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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