two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
