i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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