This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
