First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
