Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
