Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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