at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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