I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
