I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
