There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
