Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
