We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
