i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
