Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
