All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
