I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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