Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
