Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
