It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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