Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
