I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So much Jack, so little girl.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
