drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
