Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
