just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
