look no pants
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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