Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize