i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
