Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
