Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I want to fling myself into the sun
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
