dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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