his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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