And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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