All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Randomize
