I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
