Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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