I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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