Where did you get a picture of my penis
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The best revenge is premature balding
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize