You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
