No awkward lesbian experiences without me
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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