im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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