If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
