i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
