Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
