mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
